LIFE WANTS TO LIVE! My Tiny Self is a short story by Ronald Whitwam from his upcomng book, My Self. First Spark is a sculture by Ronald Whitwam displayed in the 2011 Grand Rapids Art Prize, and the 2012 Grand Haven Art Walk.
 
 
 
 
"MY tiny SELF"
the Plan for me &
my Big Choice.


Who am I?
Where am I from?
Why am I here?
Where am I going?
How will I get there?
Is "something" for me?
What is the truth of this?


by Ronald Whitwam
i am the I AM's


All Rights Reserved © 2012 Ronald Whitwam
Unauthorized duplication is a violation of applicable laws






Prologue

Henry was born on a June 2, at 9:13 am. It was an exciting day for everyone involved. The extreme value of his life, which was evident at his first spark, was now manifested by his appearance on the scene.

The little guy weighed in at 6 pounds 12 ounces and measured 20 inches long. He has many traits passed on from others. Some think he is bright like his Mom and has her chin. Some think he has his Dad's eyes. And he already has shown his Dad's creative talent for making music. Time will tell if he's a southpaw like both Mom and Dad. There are at least four who think he is just about perfect. They see something of themselves in him. As for being almost perfect, time will tell that story too.

Henry may have been born on his Birth-day, but his first spark of life was way before that. And even before his start he was in the Plan for him to live.

When Henry was first put together he was so small that he was invisible to the eye. Even then his value was apparent as he exploded on the scene shouting "I exist, I have value, I want to live." He was his uniquely formed "Tiny Self" and it was inherent in him that his life was intended to be lived. From that dramatic start there was a Plan for him to follow which included a Big Choice for him to make.

---------------

My Tiny Self Preview Release

On a June 2, at
9:13 AM, plus 24 hours.

Hi, I'm Henry! At least that's what they call me. But, what do I know? I'm just a little kid born only yesterday. That's when I went from being experienced at every aspect of my life, to being just the new kid on the block. One moment I was clinging to everything I had ever known since I became an "i am." The next moment I was stark naked in front of a crowd of strangers. So please excuse me if I have a bewildered look on my face. But, I know very little about this big new place I find myself in, except that this is a whole lot different from where I first began as my own tiny spark of life.

Let me tell you about this most unusual day of my whole life, my Birth-day.

---------------

This will not be easy for me to put into words. I don't even know words yet. Besides, most of what I can tell you about this event I've just learned. I'm still trying to understand it all myself. I can let you know what happened and how I felt at the time, but a lot of this is way beyond a little kid my age. So, for the thoughts I would think, (if I could think such thoughts) and the things I would tell you, (if I knew the words to say) I'm going to have to rely on the knowledge of those who have had their own first spark, grown to a mature awareness, and looking back can see how the plan for a spark to grow really works.

I have chosen one of "The Four" to collect my impressions for me and convey them on to you. We'll see how this works, because the one I've chosen may not be the brightest bulb in the room. However, we have a certain connection in that Grandpa Ron seems to grasp what I am experiencing. He has been around for a while, knows some words and knows how to put a few of them together to infer what one would say looking back at early life values. He has studied "The Plan" and knows how it must be followed to avoid disaster and meet one's purpose.

It isn't that life in my little place hasn't been fulfilling, but yesterday's events expanded my horizon and opened much bigger opportunities than I had ever dreamed possible. In fact, it's just starting to dawn on me that life took a drastic turn and my former cozy existence will never be the same again. Things for me have been all turned around and upside-down. What was wet is now dry, most of the time. What was dark is now very bright. What was warm can now be downright chilly. Sounds that were muffled are now crystal clear, and a new empty spot I feel in my middle begs to be filled up.

It's not that I couldn't sense and respond to touch, temperature, sound, and such, my tenacious demand that the environment around me cater to my every need said otherwise. I had used every trick in the Plan to change the environment to accommodate me. It's just that I was somewhat isolated from the bigger picture. As I floated within the walls of my own little capsule, I had nothing with which to gauge the growth of my parts and appreciate the marvelous development of their ability to function as planned to meet their purpose.

The knowledge of what I would mature to be was right there from the very start of me. My eyes would know to grow with the ability to see, my ears would know to hear, my nose to smell, my tongue to taste and my fingers and toes would know to feel at the touch of something. My heart would pump life through my body and my brain would process signals and thoughts giving me the awesome choices to love or hate. All of my parts would grow to fulfill their purpose so that I could grow to fulfill my purpose. At least, that's the original Plan.

Now, the old walls that defined my place are gone. I find myself further away from the place where I was started. No longer master of my own little capsule I am being moved down a very long room that has no visible end. I have found that there are many other i ams like me in the long room and I'm learning to share my space with them.

It seems most i ams have a tendency to want to occupy the space of others. There is a lot of pushing and shoving and moving from space to space going on. Even when one i am takes the space of another they don't seem satisfied. They immediately begin nudging for a space they think will fit them better.

So, as I get bumped around, it seems my days of free floating are over. I don't see that I have a choice of where I go. Those making the choice put me in spaces that can get a little crowded at times. But, it's nowhere near like it was just before I came here. I can at least stretch out full length again, kick all I want to, and if I see a space I would rather be in I can do some pushing and shoving of my own to try to get there.

I've been told I have something very important missing from me or I would be perfect. This something was in the original Plan for me. And but for the fact that there were very bad choices made to detour from the original Plan, I would have been started with this something in me and it would be functioning in me now. This something is not on par with any of my other parts that combine their purposes to give me a place to be. This something is the essence of the purpose of my existence. If I had it, I would have the ability to always choose to use my senses to show love rather than hate.

Evidently, this important something is intended to guide me down a precise narrow path in the long room while I fulfill my intended life purpose. Now, without this something to guide me, the path will be very difficult and my planned purpose will go unfulfilled. Without this guidance I will approach disaster after disaster while I wander over a wide path of choices that chase dead end purposes that no one was ever intended to have.

However, I am told that I can choose to look for this missing something, find it, and have it in me by asking for it.

Well, not to get ahead of myself, I think I had better fill you in a little more on the way it was, before I tell you much more about the way it is.

---------------

I cannot remember ever being anywhere else than where I was at the beginning of the day, yesterday. I had a place with plenty of space all to myself. You know, the kind of place I could call my own. I was nourished through my long lifeline which was attached to something called a "Kristin" at the other end. This Kristin kept me warm and safe and watched my intake so I would get only what I needed and wouldn't get what I shouldn't have. The Kristin always hauled my place from space to space. And, of course, I went along. I spent all of my time with this Kristin and over time it became more and more apparent that the Kristin and I had a common destiny to hang out there together. I owe a lot to this Kristin!

There was also something called a "Jeremy." This Jeremy seemed to have a stake in how things were going with me. The Jeremy wasn't always around, but often went here and there with me and the Kristin. The Jeremy never hauled my place around but carried a lot of other things along, some that made loud plunking noises. When this Jeremy was around there would be a tap on the wall of my place and I'd hear, "How's it going in there Henry?" The extra support was reassuring and a real comfort to me and my Kristin. I could tell this was the kind of support that could be depended upon. I was happy to have the Jeremy hanging around my space, in spite of some of the loud plunking noises. I owe a lot to this Jeremy too!

I spent this whole first part of my life growing as the person the Kristin and the Jeremy and a powerful "I AM" had started. The Kristin and the Jeremy had each chosen to give their lives to the I AM, even before they committed themselves to each other. The I AM had a "Plan" for me to follow and the Kristin and Jeremy had learned to include the I AM in all of their plans.

I'm not sure what part the I AM had in my start, but I think the Jeremy and Kristin asked for me and the I AM said, "OK, you want one, I have planned this one from before the beginning, just for you." The Jeremy and Kristin and the powerful I AM each contributed to my beginning. The Jeremy and Kristin contributed from the pool of parts they carried with them. With a selection from these parts and the spark of life that the I AM gave me at my very first moment, he formed me into my own tiny self. That was the very moment I gave my first big shout to the world.

"Hi, i am Henry, i am here, and i am someone to be reckoned with!"

---------------

How did the Plan for my start and subsequent growth toward maturity really work? Well this part of the Plan gets technical, but the short version goes kind of like this. Following a general Plan that is used for every person, the I AM chose some parts from the helical curves contributed by my Jeremy and Kristin and knitted them together in a sequence that made up my own unique helical curve. My unique curve contained all of the information for what my physical being is.

The possibilities from the two donated helical curves came from a pool of parts as numerous as the stars in the sky. Therefore, I am different from anyone else who has ever existed. Yet, because I have inherited from the dominate traits of the two contributed helical curves, I'm as much like my Kristin and Jeremy and me as anyone else can ever be. As the I AM knitted my parts according to his Plan he also contributed my unique first spark of life. This life gave me my own personal identity. The I AM made me who I am according to his desire, with his Plan for me to follow according to his desire. No wonder I had the audacity to shout a proclamation of my existence!

From that first spark of life and the unique helical curve, nothing more was added as I grew from a little one celled personal zygote to a multiple celled personal embryo. Nothing more was needed than nutrition, oxygen, time to grow and the will for me to fulfill my destiny. At my beginning, the I AM had the will to start me, a purpose for me to fulfill and a Plan for me to follow. Inherent in me was the will to live, a destiny to fulfill and my determination to move on with the Plan. With the Kristin and Jeremy having the will to host my growth and protect my vulnerability, I was good to go! I was the "offspring" of the two of them, but one of them was about to carry the heavier load of my growth for a while.

There I was my own independent life, floating free and unattached, growing my own independent body as planned. My helical curve was duplicating as my cells divided and began forming in different ways as planned to meet my various physical needs. For a brief time, I used the energy supply from the two initial contributions. But it soon became apparent that this energy supply was limited. Unless I found a new supply of energy my life span would be very short indeed and my destiny would go unfulfilled. With such a wonderful start in life it would be a terrible tragedy for it to end before I could fill the niche my life I was created to fill. I desperately needed the help I was intended to have at this point in life. I needed the willingness of others to support and nurture my continued existence.

I cannot take credit for what happened next, because it is inherent in the Plan and happens this way for all individuals who are born. In my desperate need for support I managed to float to the nearest spongy wall and attached myself to the Kristin. The bond that was made would allow us to become partners in the will for me to live and grow. From this special place I developed my placenta and protective capsule of fluid for the purpose of keeping the Kristin and me independent and tolerant of each other while I drew the nourishment I needed for my growth from a lifeline I grew for the purpose.

The I AM was delighted that he had started me and the Jeremy and Kristen already loved me just for who I was. My value seemed to be wrapped up in the fact that I now existed and in the hope that I would be born and someday fulfill my purpose. All of this brought on my second big shout to the world.

"i am Henry, i am here, and all is well!"

Although my main responsibility now was just growing bigger, I did have extra time for some of the fun things in life. I listened to sounds and wondered what made them happen. Between long naps I occupied myself by doing lots of swimming and kicking and such. Sometimes I went exploring. I had plenty of space to move around in. I could tell the size of my place by gliding from one side to the other.

Everything I needed was provided for me in the Plan. I didn't even have to ask. It just arrived when I needed it. The temperature control was great, so most of the time I just worked at soaking up warm feelings.

From my perspective there wasn't a thing to worry about or a thing to want. I remember leaning back on my lifeline, stretching out as far as I wanted, listening to the sounds around me and thinking, "Life is really good like this." Oh, there was an occasional irritation like hiccups that wouldn't stop or not being able to find my favorite thumb to suck on. Some of the Jeremy's choice of sounds may not have been my favorite, or sometimes the Kristin took in something spicy that made it through the lifeline to me. But, if nothing at all changed, I thought I could have been happy like this for the rest of my life. But, just when everything was going so right, it all started to go a little wrong. And then when it got a little wrong, it went really wrong.

As time passed I became aware that my space was closing in on me. It was subtle at first as the swimming distance became shorter and shorter. Then it progressed until it seemed there was very little extra space left. Every time I moved I bumped into the wall of my place. I hadn't stretched out my legs in some time and I had to struggle with the Kristin just for a little elbow room. I'd push, the Kristin would push back. While it's true the wall of my place grew a little bigger, I didn't think I was getting my share of the extra space. And where was the Jeremy's help when I needed it?

Even the Jeremy was getting a little pushy! I'd feel a push on the outside of the wall of my place and hear, "How's it going in there Henry?" I'd kick back, "Hey get your own space, this is my place!" But that only seemed to encourage more pushing. And the I AM just seemed to be letting this all happen! Something had to be done and I guess it was up to me to do it. That's when the world heard my third big shout.

"Hey, i am Henry, i want more space or i am out of this place!"

---------------

This brings you up to the start of yesterday's events. In hindsight, I probably could have been just a little more cooperative. But hey, what did I know? I was just a little kid at the time.

The Kristin had put up with hauling me around for a long time and seemed to have had enough of me hanging out there. The Kristin was worn out from it all and was actually trying to push me out of the space. I figured, "Hey this is my place. Give up the space or you can be the one to leave!" I could tell it was a serious conflict because major reinforcements had been called in to help. This was fine with me because certainly they were on my side and were there to help me out. The Jeremy was saying this and saying that, wavering between concern about me and concern about the Kristin. "Make up your mind Jeremy, whose side are you on anyway?"

I heard someone say, "push, push, push." "Oh Nooo.I can't fit through there!" There was hardly space for me in my place, and now they wanted me to fit through there? The Kristin was ready to pitch me out, the reinforcements were ready to catch me, and I hoped the Jeremy was there to see that they all did what was right. I jumped into my survival mode and grabbed anything I could get hold of. I had my lifeline wrapped around me. If I had to go, I was taking it with me. This whole situation had disaster written all over it.

The reinforcements were saying "push, push, push!" They all wanted me out! The Kristin was pushing hard! She wanted me out! The Jeremy was wishing it was over. He wanted me out! I was hanging on to all that was mine! It would take more than this to get me to move! Obviously something had to happen big time and it had to happen, like, RIGHT NOW! That's when the I AM stepped in and took charge. To my surprise, I soon learned that he wanted me out too! It was all part of the Plan.

---------------

"OK Henry, this is the time I have appointed for you to be born.

I gave you your life when I knitted your parts. I gave you identity even before that. I have made your parts grow and I will hold them together throughout your appointed time. I prepared a place for you to live in this long room called earth. I assembled a group around you to love you and point you in my direction until the time you can understand to make your "Big Choice" about giving yourself to me.

Henry, you need to know that, like all others, you have started out with something missing that you are meant to have. Your will is running contrary to my will and this keeps you from being perfect in my eyes. If you want this missing something, I have it for you. If you will make your Big Choice for me, I promise I will give it to you.

I love you and value you very much Henry. I planned and designed all of this to work for you. Now move along little fellow, grow up, find my Plan and follow it. I will give you anything you want, when what you want is what you need to fulfill my purpose for you. Always remember that what you need comes from me.""


"Well I think this is a whole lot for a little kid like me to remember, don't you I AM?"

"Don't worry Henry. The truth of this is woven throughout the fabric of the long room. I also have it all written down in a book for you to read. And, some in your assembled group can tell you all about me as you become old enough to understand. When you seek me you will find me, when you reach out to me I will reach back."

Well, who knew? Looks like I AM was the one to count on all along. I hope I remember this if I ever go through anything like this thing of being born again. But, what is this about something missing from me? And, what is this Plan with a Big Choice to be made?

---------------

Wow, look at all the lights! Listen, that's what makes the sounds! Look at the size of the long room from here! Look, there are a lot of other i ams'! Are those the reinforcements? Hey, the reinforcements are i ams, like I am! This is enough to take my breath away. Breath? What is breath? And what is that noise? It's the most awful noise that I've never heard before! Oh my worrrd, is that noise coming from me?

I guess this is my fourth big shout to the world.

"i told you i am Henry! i told you I am someone to be reckoned with!"

"Breathe, Breathe, Breathe." What do you mean breathe? I never had to do this kind of thing for myself! Why do I have to do this kind of thing for myself now?

It's obvious this is something I desperately need in order to function as planned. OK, that's it! I've got it! I can do it! In with a breath, then out with the awful noise. then out with the awful noise some more, then d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-i-o-n!

I need a little help here I AM! I know I'm only one breath away from having been born, but it seems I can't do this on my own! I need another one of those breaths you gave me, and I need it right now! What?.What's that you say?.Oh, in again, then out with the awful noise. I think I've got it! I think I can handle this! It almost seems to come naturally after a while.

Breath is something that, when you don't have it you realize real quickly just how desperate you are for it! Could this be similar to what it's like without the missing something I AM told me about? Is the need for the missing something so great that I can't function as planned without it? Will I be this desperate when I realize I don't have it? Will I remember to call out to I AM for what I need? Will everything become perfect for me when I make my Big Choice for him and he meets my need?

Well, all of this is for later when I can understand what it's all about. For now, as long as this breathing thing is working for me, I won't question it. I can just move on and hope they tone down that awful noise a little bit.

I see now that breath is something like nourishment. It is needed simply to live and to function as planned. I think I could probably go without nourishment for just a little while and still get by if I could just ignore the empty feeling in my middle. But this new breathing thing seems totally essential. I doubt if anyone has ever lived very long without it. I'm glad I learned to do it so quickly because I don't like that desperate feeling I had without it and it all just seems so right now that I do have it.

Hey, everything seems to be going my way again. I must be back on the Plan for me. After breathing several times now, I've found I can breathe on my own. I still have my lifeline for nourishment. There are reinforcements around doing my bidding. I think the swimming thing may be a thing of the past but, I'll probably find other fun things to do, and this is a much bigger place for me to explore. Maybe something will be done to improve that awful noise. Life is certainly improving for me again. Moving along to this place in the long room may have been a good decision after all. I think I can handle this new life of mine on my own from here on.

Yah, we'll see, this may be a very good move that I've decided to make.

---------------

What's this going on? The reinforcements are rushing around in confusion. Half of them are deserting me to do the Kristin's bidding. The other half are discussing cutting me from my lifeline. Hey, I think they're actually going to do that! How could they even think about doing that? I think I should have something to say about it. How will I get nourishment without my Kristin or the lifeline? I've always had my lifeline for nourishment. I can't function for long without nourishment. I thought it was all settled that things would go my way from here on!

First I have to do the breathing, now the nourishment. It looks like I'll have to do everything around here for myself from now on. I want my Kristin back! I want my place back! Well, at least the Jeremy is still here. They're calling him over now. What? They want him to do the cutting! You wouldn't do that to me would you Jeremy? All right!.He's refusing to do it! He's telling them, "If it has to be done you'll have to do yourselves." They're calling him "Newdad." I'll just call him "Dad" for short, because I can see now that I can count on him big time to look out for my interests and meet my needs.

They're putting me on something soft and warm. Seems real familiar to me,.making sounds I recognize. Hey, it's the Kristin! I have my Kristin back! They're calling her "Newmom." I'll just call her "Mom" for short, because I'm back at my own little place again, only I'm on the outside now. Look, I can stretch out full length again. If I wasn't so tired I could kick all I wanted. But, I'm too tired to even wiggle my toes. This is great. There is plenty of space for both of us now. I just don't know what all of her fuss was all about.

I have Mom and Dad and they're thankful to I AM for giving me to them. They call him "Lord" and give him all the credit. Somehow it doesn't seem appropriate for me to call him that yet. Maybe it has to do with that missing something that I AM talked about? I think Dad and Mom will teach me about that someday. In the meantime, I'll continue to think of him as the powerful "I AM." At any rate, "Life seems very good again and I still want to live it." I really like where I find myself now. I am so glad I decided to go along with the move from where I was.

---------------

"Well I thought that all went well! Didn't it?"

The rest of the day was somewhat tame compared to the trauma of that main event. The reinforcements were clearly focused on meeting the needs of me, Mom and Dad. After they cleaned up the mess they made and got the awful noise level under control, things settled down a lot. Some of the reinforcements helped Mom while others wrapped me up and put me in a box with clear walls. These new places we went had wide openings and were much easier to get in and out of than I was used to. Mom and I were pushed around from here to there on soft beds. Dad seemed to need a little extra support in knowing where to go as he had to use his legs to walk on his own.

It wasn't long before I left Mom's side for the first time in my life. But, it was OK because Dad was there to support me. They wheeled me in my clear box through very wide openings and further down the long room. Dad followed and wouldn't let me out of his sight. He was saying, "How you doing there Henry? Don't worry little guy, this is all for your good." I was liking this Dad more all the time.

The first people we came upon were "The Four." Dad introduced me to them without using words, but they already knew who I was. They had been waiting for me for a long time and they were very happy to finally see me. These Four seemed like lights shining down the long room. Their beams went much further down the room than I could possibly see. The beams revealed the narrow paths they had each learned to travel. Two of the lights were very beautiful, like Mom. Another one seemed extra bright. And one was not the brightest bulb in the room but appeared to have burned longer than the other three, so maybe that's why.

Dad seemed to know The Four real well. Evidently, they entered the long room way before he and Mom did and had something to do with them being here. They were all smiling like Dad was and they all had wet eyes like his. They were saying "How's it going there Newdad?" They were giving him the same kind of support he was giving to me. Right away I felt a warm connection to these Four. They must be part of the group that I AM assembled to love me and point me in His direction. Maybe they can help me find my missing something.

Dad helped one of the reinforcements push me even further down the long room. He didn't know where we were going any more than I did. But I'll hand it to him, he didn't let on. He gave me full confidence we were going were we should be going and not going anywhere we shouldn't be going. One thing was sure, he was in it for the long haul and was committed to staying beside me to see that the right things were done and that nothing was done that shouldn't be done.

The Four walked far enough ahead to be out of the way, but close enough to help if they were needed. They had an apparent confidence, as though they had traveled this part of the long room before and knew where we were going, how we could get there and what would be done when we did. I could tell they were in it for the long haul too. I knew right then I could leverage my charm on these Four, to learn more about the things along the way. They could tell me the things they knew about. They could tell me what worked for them and what didn't work. You know, which doors to open and which ones to avoid; which floors were solid and which ones wouldn't hold up under pressure. And if there is a door I must open to find my missing something and meet my purpose, they can tell me what they know about that too.



As we progressed to a measuring area, one thing about the long room became immediately clear; numbers do seem to count here. Let's see, one of those. Well, it seems this one was expected and is one reason they call me a Henry and not a Henrietta. The counting went on with, ten of those, ten of these. Having that many and having them in the right places seemed to cause a sigh of relief. They used my feet to put black marks on paper, and on Dad's arm to mark the occasion. It seems that no one else has ever been born with black marks exactly like mine. I guess this kind of thing goes all the way back to the very start of my tiny self, when the Plan was followed and my unique parts were knitted together.

My weight was 6 pounds 12 ounces. The distance between two marks made on the bed sheet was, 20 inches. Why did they want to know that? Then they measured temperature, heart rate, blood pressure. You name it, they measured it! Dad was standing proudly by to see that they did it all right. The Four were looking through a window approving each number. One said I looked like Dad and another said I looked like Mom. They all agreed I looked just like me and that, to them, I looked just about perfect. It seems they measured everything there was to measure, except the missing something, of course.

When the measuring was over, I was poked in the back of my foot with something sharp. That made me cry. Then sticky stuff was put in my eyes. That made me cry some more. Dad stepped in and put a cover over my bottom end, (I think so they couldn't do any more poking). He helped wrap me up and took me back to Mom. I was real tired and hungry by then and this was the best place to be in the long room. The new way to take nourishment made my middle feel full and my eyes get real lazy. I liked being full, dry and warm on a cozy soft Mom. I don't know what I enjoyed more, eating, sleeping or the warm cuddling. I could tell this Mom loved me and that this was where I belonged for my tired and hungry times. Life was really good and it just kept getting better. I couldn't wait for the next good things to happen.

---------------

What was that feeling? Was-I-wet? I didn't want to be wet! I reeeally liked being dry! And, what was that empty feeling in my middle? Where had all my nourishment gone? It was there when I dozed off! Hey, who took my nourishment? Who took all my new covers off? Now I was cold! I didn't like being wet, empty, cold, what a way to wake up! A guy dozes off for just a little while and everything goes wrong that could go wrong!

This couldn't be going by the Plan? The Plan wouldn't allow this to happen to me, would it? After all, the Plan is all about me, isn't it? I had to let them know about this, so someone would do something about it, so this wouldn't ever happen again. I decided we were way past the point where my charm could be used to get their attention. This called for the ultimate expression of displeasure. This called for one of those big shouts to the world that I was becoming known for. (I obviously had not learned to be patient yet.) I took a very deep breath (I was getting pretty good at this breathing thing after doing it for almost a whole day) and let go with,

"Hey, remember me, i am here to be reckoned with!"

The awful noise filled the room so full that it came back at me with force. It worked! Dad and Mom had me dry and warm and filled up in no time at all. Much as I hated the awful noise, (It really frightened me!) it did seem to get the results I wanted. In fact, it became the centerpiece of my master scheme. I would sleep for short periods of time, especially short during the dark and quiet hours when I needed reassurance. I would take in small amounts of nourishment, but take it in often. Whenever I was wet, cold, or empty, I would get attention with a few charming little sounds. And then, when the reaction wasn't fast enough, I would unleash the dreaded awful noise.

My scheme worked real well for me. I could tell Mom and Dad liked it too, because they ended up smiling and cuddling me each time I called. I decided I would stick to this scheme for as long it worked for me and made Mom and Dad so happy. I guess I was making life really good for them too.

---------------

It's early in my second day in the long room. I've been here a whole day now and I've learned so much already. In fact, I can see a pattern developing and I'm starting to understand the dynamics of it all.

Getting hungry or wet or cold is all just part of life in the long room on this side of the wall. Dad and Mom are here to love me, provide my nourishment, and take care of me. I just have to learn how to communicate what I need. Every good thing is provided to them by I AM, so they can provide it to me. And, although each breath is provided to me by I AM, breathing it is up to me. I can choose to breathe it or choose not to breathe it. However, holding back on taking a breath causes a desperation that becomes an unbearable catastrophe. So I happily accept each breath I'm given. It's programmed in and I've learned to do it very well. I can even do it in my sleep now.

The Four are here to cheer us on, telling us the things they know about, explaining what worked for them and what didn't work and picking up the slack when they are needed. Doing all of this, of course, without spoiling me rotten. And if they see us at a door that should be avoided or on a floor that is not solid, of course they will let us know.

Family and friends are showing up to say "Hi Henry, how you doing?" Some of these are part of the assembled group. Many are bringing gifts and well wishes to show their support. They all ask Mom and Dad, "When are you guys going home?"

Home must be the next space from here, down the long room. I hope it's like the space where the Jeremy and Kristin kept my old place while I grew from my start. I would like to see the things that made noises and hear the same noises more clearly now. Maybe I can learn to make plunking noises like Dad does. Maybe the plunking noises can be used to replace the awful noise. I'm just assuming, of course, that there will be a place for me at this space called home.

Not a bad Plan you have, I AM, and it seems to be working very well. You are very good to have designed all of this just for me.

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But, as well as all of this is going, it leaves me wondering what the rest of this day and the days after that will be like. As I'm moving down the long room, does the room end or just keep going? Will I find new things to see, new foods to eat, new sounds to hear? Will I get wet sometimes and then get dry again? Will the space in my place start closing in on me like the old one did? Will I learn to share space with others? Will some join my assembled group, while others leave it? Will they be there to point the direction? Will they know which direction to point? Will they be right about it all? Will I know which doors to open and which ones to avoid? Will I remember how to breathe?

And then I wonder about the even bigger questions? Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going? How will I get there? Will I learn to understand the Plan for me and how to follow it to avoid disaster and meet my purpose? Will I need I AM to step in and take charge? Will he do it when I ask? Will I make my Big Choice and end up perfect in his eyes?

Well, how would you expect me to know the answers to all of these questions? You have to remember, I'm still just a little kid and almost everything I see and do is for the very first time.

WOW, listen to that sound!

XXXLOOK at that color!

XXXXXXWHAT is that shape?

XXXXXXXXXLOOK at all the space!

XXXXXXXXXXXXWHAT else is out there?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXIS that my missing something?

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Epilogue

No, Henry didn't think these thoughts, not yet anyway. When he opens his eyes he generally has only one of a few things in mind. It's up to those around him to quickly discover his need and meet it for him before he explodes into disaster mode.

In time Henry will grow and learn words. He'll talk and think big thoughts. Those who love Henry know that God has furnished enough truth and has made his will (The Plan) simple enough that anyone, even a child, can understand it. God has revealed all that needs to be understood, to know ones condition and make the "Big Choice" to submit their will to his will. Those who love Henry will see to it that he knows these things too.

Throughout the pages of the yet to be released book, "My Self, the Plan for me and my Big Choice" are just a few of the many clear statements God has given us. Recognize yourself as that little person who is standing in need of perfect alignment with the Almighty God who loves and values you. Realize that we all have sinned and are short of the perfection needed to enter The Kingdom of God. Ask yourself, "Am I willing to submit my selfish will to his perfect will for me? Have I made my choice to accept God's gracious gift of forgiveness? Or, am I moving through life, by default, heading toward calamity?"

If you have made your choice, celebrate it by living a life following the will of God and in fellowship with those who are his. If you have yet to make your choice, come to grips with the fact that God starts each life with a purpose. He wants each of us to live the life he has planned for us. Deal with this soon, before your appointed time ends and final calamity claims one more from out of the default direction. And for those who are temporal minded about life issues, please read on.

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It can be argued that until recent times the predominate view on first life issues has been influenced within the context of religious convictions that a Creator starts each life and wants life to live. This respect for the sanctity of human life recognizes the Creator's infinite wisdom in starting each life for his purpose. Further, there has been an understanding that it is folly for man to interfere with the Creator's plans and purposes.

But, growing apathy toward the Creator's purpose has joined hands with denial, by some, that there is a God who cares at all. This has led to new views and political decisions that allow life and death choices to be made by one individual for another. These political decisions are in support of the privacy and choice of the choice-makers, but have overshadowed the privacy and choice of the effected individuals. The result is confusion in our society's motivation for respecting and preserving first life.

The emergence of these new views prompts a challenge to explore thoughts toward the "temporal reasoning" for life's value. It is imperative, after all, to consider life's value as our society makes vital choices affecting the lives of others. Simply ignoring life's value in these decisions robs the choice-makers of essential understanding and disregards what the effected life's private choice may be.

This consideration is especially significant as we influence life issues that require making decisions for those who cannot choose for themselves. Making choices regarding preserving a new life or ending it, for example, certainly begs the question of the value placed on that life. If we do not respect the value of the first spark of life, will we then have respect throughout the events of life and at life's last flicker? From a temporal viewpoint, isn't this respect a necessary element in valuing one's community? Isn't this a necessary element in valuing one's self?

This thought, in the context of new life choices, begs the question as to what value the new life would place on itself and what choice that new life would make if given the chance to choose. The view of this discourse is that there is an apparent life value inferred in the display of life's first spark. The life is after all there, intact, with nothing more needed than time and nurturing to grow, mature, and choose for self. The claim is that by inference we can know that the choice is to preserve rather than end life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

The hypothesis is that it is inherent in human life that, life wants to live. Thus when we act to end a life, it is an act against what the life would choose. This may not be testable at the time of life's first spark, but by inference we can predict what the choice would be. We can ask ourselves what we would have said, knowing what we know now, if we could have responded about this issue at our life's first spark. What would we have said to assert that we existed with human value, to assert that we had a human right to live, that we, like the choice makers, had choices to make and a destiny to fulfill?

"Is it not credible to infer what the choice would be at new life, by the choice expressed from our mature awareness?"

"Is it not probable that this choice, projected back to our start, is the choice to live and pursue happiness?"

"Should this not affect our society's collective temporal view on new life choices as well as life nurturing issues?

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